Shame and guilt are emotional experiences that can leave us feeling hopeless, uneasy, and conflicted. Shame is often used as a verb (to shame) to tell someone that what they did or are doing means something about who they are - that who they are is what is wrong. Shame is also used as a noun (my shame) to name the experience of holding pain and remorse for who you are. But not everything we hold shame for is defined as “wrong” by others. Still, it feels wrong to us, and because of that we try to hide it, hold it, and keep it secret.

Guilt is often used as a synonym to shame, as if to be guilty, to be responsible for doing something “bad,” is the same as believing that you are inherently bad. Guilt compels us to ask - was that wrong of me? Should I apologize? Guilt reminds us of pain we have caused or mistakes we’ve made. It asks us to attempt to make a repair, or to reflect on what we can control. A lifetime of unresolved guilt often builds into deep shame. The more we keep inside, the harder it is to fight the belief that there is something wrong with us, something broken, something incredibly painful to be ashamed about.

Yes, I work with anyone experiencing identity-related shame. I work with LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, PoGM, and Disabled folks to unpack the “isms” and oppressive ideology we have been taught to cater to. Through anti-oppressive and anti-racist work, we can de-center the white supremacist and patriarchial values that our western society currently follows.

When our shame is rooted in belief systems that were placed onto us, reminders of being not good/perfect enough can replay in our minds. We can locate where this sense of shame grew from and how we want to tend to that garden.

Yes, I work with anyone who is navigating religious or philosophical guilt. Many people come to therapy with beliefs about morality, faith, and punishment. Those beliefs can guide us towards a life we find worth living, but they can also sometimes trap us in a dichotomy of good and bad, right and wrong, and stop us from being able to make any steps forward.

I have personal experience with scrupulosity (morality) OCD and was raised in Southern Baptist churches, so I indeed have lived experience in this area. I am a nonreligious secular therapist, but please note that this does not mean that I dislike working with religious or spiritual clients. I continually seek out education around spirituality to provide competent care to anyone no matter their belief system, and love to hear about the joy or comfort a spiritual practice brings to your life.

We’ll work together to understand it - if that’s your goal. If not, know that it’s okay to not know everything. It’s okay to simply sit with the fact that you are feeling pain, and to notice how it might be getting in the way of you living the life you find meaningful.